Only way I know how

Relay For Life

2011-06-01T12:40:00.000-05:00

I will get back to regular wedding posting soon, lord knows there is a lot to post about but for now there is something more important coming up. I am participating in the Relay for life this weekend. I am doing this in honor of my grandma, who passed away from lung cancer in 2008. I was one of her primary caregivers for the almost year she was fighting cancer. It was one of the hardest but also one of the most rewarding things I have ever done in my life. I however don't want anyone else to ever have to go through that so I am doing what i can to fight cancer. Would you please help me and donate to the relay for life. If you do donate and do it in honor of someone who has or is fighting cancer please let me know and I will dedicate a portion of my walk to them. I want this to be one giant group effort, lets help get rid of cancer together!

Here is the link to my page so you can go and donate. donate to relay for life

And because no post is good without pictures here is a picture of my lovely grandma whom I miss dearly every day.

don't know

2011-03-11T19:34:00.000-06:00

I don't know whats going on with me, but I feel blah. I don't have a job even though I have sent out what feels like hundreds of applications. I have an interview at Target on Monday, it's not what I want to do with my life, but at least for now it would be money coming in. Now I just hope I get it, I want to be working, I want to feel like a productive member of society, I want to have money, even though it will all be going to paying back student loans that are pretty much worthless to me now. I wish I would have been able to speak my mind before I started school, then I wouldn't have these freaking loans.

Sometimes I feel about as tall as an ant. I feel worthless, I feel stupid, I feel like a lump. I know I am not the only one, and I know I'm not it just sucks that it's so hard to come out of this funk. Any advice, what do you do when you get like this? I think I am going to go have some wine. Tomorrow is the St. Pat's parade, maybe that will help pull me out, some good time with friends.

Mentor Couple

2011-03-01T16:05:00.000-06:00

If you will recall from one of my previous posts one of the requirements to get married at my church requires us to meet with a mentor couple a few times before our ceremony. We had our first meeting with Bill and Debbie last night. I was so nervous going in, I was afraid they were going to tell us our problems were so bad we shouldn't get married. I was shaking and having a hard time breathing, Mark had to calm me down before we rang the doorbell.

When they let us in we sat down and just talked for a few minutes and it really calmed me down. They made us a YUMMY dinner of salad, ravioli, and brownies with mixed berries on top. During dinner we just got to know them a little better and talked about us a little.

After dinner they gave us a little survey to fill out, about what we really want to talk about ranging from communication, finances, conflict/resolution, god, and sex. They said we weren't much different in what we wanted to/felt we needed to talk than different couples they have met with. And they said they have never recommend a couple not get married. WHEW! We started talking a little about communication and conflict resolution last night. Just from the few minutes we discussed it last night I can tell this is really going to be a positive for us and our relationship. I am looking forward to where this is going!

Flowers, photography, dresses oh my!

2011-02-18T15:23:00.000-06:00

Holy cow. This wedding stuff is stressful! Earlier this week I was ready to say lets go to the courthouse and screw all this planning shit. Bridesmaids dresses have been more difficult than I originally thought they ever would be. I have it narrowed down to two choices. I know which one I like I know which one each of my girls like. I also know which one my mom likes, his mom likes, my dad likes, he likes, my aunt likes, my uncles likes, and anyone else within a 5 person connection to this wedding likes. UGHHHH I don't want your opinion if you aren't wearing it you don't matter to me. Now I am stuck trying to decide which dress to get and I don't know. I'm thinking of just pulling one out of a hat and saying ok, thats it. This is the dress, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I'm sick of the stress from it! Anyway I have uploaded pictures of the two dresses I am trying to decide between.. What's your opinion, I know I said I didn't want anyones opinion if you weren't wearing it but your opinions will be different to me than family. Not as pushy and do what I want blah blah like it often is with family and weddings.

Now onto flowers, I had no clue what I was looking for in flowers. I knew I wanted red, orange, yellows, and greens. I met with a florist yesterday and she was amazing. She took the colors I wanted and made a gorgeous bouqet for me, the girls, moms, and my grandma. The bouts were amazing. I am so much more excited about flowers now that I ever thought I would be! I can't wait to hold them on my wedding day!!

Photographer, we met with a photographer we absolutely adored, he works with a videographer who is also amazing.. And even the price for his most expensive package, including an album, 2 photgraphers for all day, videographer, full copyright of all images including retouching, 3 copies of the DVD from the videographer and unlimited number of places for pictures. All this for less than most others starting prices! I was so shocked and happy. We have seen his work and we like it and he used to work for the post dispatch as a photgrapher so you know he is good. I am so happy to have these decisions made and it's something else to mark off the checklist.

This weekend I am dog-sitting, going to the funny bone to celebrate birthdays, and going to the bridal show at Busch Stadium. It's going to be fun! What are you doing this weekend? Anything fun or exciting? Heck even sitting home with a bottle of wine and a movie marathon? That sounds good too!!

Church requirements

2011-02-10T20:25:00.000-06:00

Mark and I are getting married at Faith Lutheran Church in Oakville, MO. My church has a long list of things you need to do in order to get married there. First if one of you isn't a member of the church you have to attend the starting point class, which basically just informs you of the practicies and beliefs of the church. It's 4 hours long our head pastor leads it and you get a free meal. I was not looking forward to this class but it actually was much more interesting than I thought it would be.

The next requirement was to attend a marriage conference, it was a 2 day long event at the church where we watched a video and then had discussion time afterwards on what was introduced in the video. It was all based on the book of the bible "The Song of Solomon" I was shocked by how much there really is to learn about love from the song of solomon book. I would recommend this study to anyone. It really teaches you a lot about conflict resolution, intamacy between you and your spouse, how to communicate, and even courtship. There were many things in this study I wish I would have known when I was younger and dating. If you ever get the chance to attend this conference I highly highly recommend it!

The last thing we have to do is meet with our mentor couple 4-5 times. This is a couple who has been married for a while and want to help young couples in the church have a long, healthy, lasting relationship. We will meet them at their house and make dinner together, relax and just talk. The main marriage care director assigns you with a mentor couple based on your needs and their background. We met our mentor couple at the conference and they are wonderful, fun, and I think we are going to get along really well!

We also have to attend at least 75% of services in the year leading up to your wedding. Basically I am very pleased with the way church is handeling this and trying to make sure the marriages they perform there last. I wasn't looking forward to any of this before but now I wouldn't give it up. I would recommend any of this to anyone looking to get married.

If any of you have questions about any of this let me know!

more planning

2011-02-04T12:38:00.003-06:00

I am sure by the time September 24, 2011 comes around all 3 of my readers will be so sick of hearing about my wedding. I am going to apologize now for that because I am not going to stop posting about it!

In my last post I had a request to post the picture of the bridesmaids shirts. Here is a picture of one of my bridesmaids with her shirt and me wearing my "bride" shirt.
Tomorrow 3 of my bridesmaids and I are going to look at bridesmaids dresses, I think I know which one it is going to be but I am not positive yet so I am going to hole of on posting a picture of it until we are sure!

The reception hall is booked, and I am so exited about it! They have amazing food and the best car of all the reception halls around. The DJ is also hilarious and fun so I am excited to be working with him also!

I have my limo company narrowed down to a few, and I am meeting with a photgrapher/videographer next week. It's all coming together and I am excited. I was really stressing earlier this week about all of this because I had no clue what to be looking for and asking these people. I eventually just sat down and went through every known limo company and photographer in St. Louis and looked at their websites. I picked a few I liked based on their website, pictures, customer reviews, and not going to lie prices. Showed them to my mom she narrowed it down to a few and we are meeting with all of them. This is not an easy happy go lucky process it takes time and patience. So if you are going through this too don't let it get you down it can be done!

I'm working on another post about stuff we need to do in order to be married at my church. Be waiting for that!

bridesmaids

2011-01-24T16:31:00.002-06:00

To ask my matron of honor and bridesmaids to be in my wedding I bought pink t-shirts and then got black with white polka dot iron on letters and made each a shirt with either matron of honor or bridesmaid on them. I then made homemade cards and wrote a special note to each inside and asking them to be in my wedding. Then I mailed them off. The last girl got hers today and they all said yes! I am so excited that's another thing done and now we can start looking at bridesmaids dresses! it's going to be so much fun!

In other wedding planning news, we have the church booked, we know which hall we want just need to sign the contract and such. I have my dress, and my appointment for alterations. Marks
mom is making the save the dates and they look amazing! She is also making our invites and I can't wait to get started on that. I haven't looked at florists or photographers yet, that'll happen. It's finally happening!!!

another giveaway

2011-01-19T17:13:00.001-06:00

The lovely ladies at Go Grahm Go and Miche bags are giving away a Miche bag to one lucky reader! You need to go over to her website and check it out! These bags are freaking awesome and you will love it!

dresses

2010-12-29T13:30:00.002-06:00

I'm going to try on wedding dresses on Saturday!! I am so freaking excited!! My mom, Marks mom, my brothers girlfriend, other brothers wife, and a bunch of my friends are going. I'm seriously counting down the hours now!!! EEEEEEEKKKKKK

Any advice on anything to do or try while there? What should I wear there? Any advice at all?

Date

2010-12-17T14:37:00.001-06:00

We have a date set!!! September 24, 2011!! We have the church booked and thats it, but where we have a date and it is finally happening! I can't wait to start sharing all the planning info with you guys! It's going to be so much fun!! EHHHHHHHHH

Puppy

2010-12-10T12:41:00.001-06:00

We saved this little sweetie from a group that wanted to use her to train fight Pitts! She is so loving and loves to cuddle! If we didn't have so many animals already we would keep her but we can't. We don't know how old she is or anything just that she deserves better! I don't know how to upload a picture to blogger from my phone so when I get home I will upload one. Please help us find this sweetheart a home!

ch-ch-ch-changes

2010-12-01T14:56:00.003-06:00

Well i finally did it, I told everyone that I no longer want to be a doctor. I have known for a while but I didn't want to let everyone down so I kept on. I finally realized that if the only reason i was still going to be a doctor was because it's what people expected of me, was the wrong reason. I don't really know what I am going to do. I am sending in resumes right now for labs, health department jobs. If you know of any other jobs that I can use a Biology degree with please pass them my way! I am pretty open to anything, I'm just going with the flow and see where I end up at. God has a plan and I am going to follow it and try not to question it.

This means, that mark and I can start thinking about a date for a wedding, and all the planning that comes with it. I can't wait!! I finally feel like my life is on a track that is heading where i want to be, married and living with my husband. I am no longer going to be stuck at a standstill watching all my friends by houses and get married, i am going to be one of them. I am going to be a grown-up!

Test

2010-09-28T16:02:00.003-05:00

I am taking my test again on Thursday. I'm freaking out and starting to shake constantly. Please say prayers, send me good vibes whatever you have. If I don't pass it this time I don't know what is going to happen in my career. I know this is where God is leading me and it's what he wants for me but I still feel nervous that I won't pass. So please just keep me in your prayers.

Help a soldier

2010-09-21T13:14:00.002-05:00

All of you in St. Louis, what are you doing this Saturday? If your answer is nothing you should come to Faith Lutheran Church at 6101 Telegraph road, in Oakville. They are partnering with the Mehlville Fire Department to host a Wounded Warrior benefit.

This is the description from the site:

The Mehlville firefighters and Paramedics are sponsoring a Benefit BBQ at Faith Lutheran Church Sept. 24th & 25th. The proceeds will go to Corporal Todd Nicely, a Marine that lost all of his arms and legs do to an explosion in Afghanistan. We would love to have some volunteers, donations or just come and eat and have fun. We will have music, a car show, some fire trucks, some military trucks and some inflatable slides, obstacle courses, raffle and plenty of BBQ cooked by our own Firefighters. Please join us for a good day.

Friday: 11:00-7:00 BBQ and a car cruise
Saturday: 11:00-5:00 BBQ, stuff for kids, car show

As you can see there will be plenty of stuff for everyone in the family! There is a building for kids to play games, such as basketball and Wii. I am going to be volunteering at one of the moon bounces, and I will also have a car entered in the car show.

So please come out and eat, enjoy some fun stuff some cool cars and help support and wonderful man and his family!

Last post about this!

2010-07-16T12:59:00.001-05:00

Ok this is my last plea to donate to help support my walk to help cure kids cancer!

Please support me as I walk to help support research to cure kids cancer! I am participating in the annual six flags walk in the park on July 17th. Go to: www.walkintheparks.org type amber Doggendorf in the support a walker search bar and please donate! Thank you!!

Please please please help!

2010-07-15T16:02:00.001-05:00

Do you hate kids cancer? Do you wish there was something you could do about it? If you answered yes to these questions, you are in luck!! You can support me as I participate in the walk in the park to cure kids cancer. It's this Saturday at Six Flags St. Louis. Just go to http://www.walkintheparks.org/index.cfm?fusea...ction=donorDrive.home
and under the support a walker type in my name: Amber Doggendorf and it will take you to my donations page. The link was bad but I've got it right now. Thank you so much for any donation you can give!

Oh and if you answered no to those questions why the h*ll am I your friend??

Again

2010-07-12T11:40:00.001-05:00

Just reminding you all to donate to help cure kids cancer!

Please support me as I walk to help support research to cure kids cancer! I am participating in the annual six flags walk in the park on July 17th. Go to: www.walkinthepark.org type amber Doggendorf in the support a walker search bar and please donate! Thank you!!

Walk in the park

2010-07-09T20:52:00.001-05:00

Hey all, I know it's been awhile and I always say this but I will do better! I've reapplied for the test so pray for me! But the big thing I got on here for is to ask your help with something. I am participating in the six flags walk in the park to cure kids cancer and I'm asking you to donate! I can't stand to think of kids dealing with cancer, this is one of the reasons I want to be a pediatrician. If you could just go to www.walkintheparks.org and in the support a participant bar type amber Doggendorf and donate to my page. I appreciate all the help you can give me, but really the kids. I am looking forward to this walk and hope you will consider supporting me! Thank you all!! And sorry if this post is messed up it's the first one from my iPhone.

hmmm

2010-03-22T14:01:00.002-05:00

Well, you know how I said i was miserable at work with Kitty. I don't need to worry about that anymore, her daughter called me yesterday to tell me that she passed away this weekend. They are thinking it was another heart attack. As much as i didn't like working for her, i definitely didn't want anything like this to happen. The visitation is tonight, so I am going to go and say goodbye to her.

I lost 3 pounds in the past like 2 weeks, the main reason for that is being sick, and nervous from working for kitty. When I get nervous/stressed/upset I can't stay out of the bathroom, so hey if nothing else it helped me to lose some weight. 5 more pounds to lose and I will be down to my "happy" weight and if I could lose 10 more pounds I will be at my WOOHOO weight!

On Saturday night we went to Ameristar casino, I had never been there before and I like it so much better than Harrahs, its just much nicer looking. I still need to go to River City, maybe this weekend.

Mark and I are going to be spending all weekend together because he gets Friday off, so he ahs a 3-day weekend! I can't wait it'll be nice to just spend time together.

I still need to upload my pictures from the St. Patty's day parade last week and when I do I will make a post with it. I had a ton of fun even though it was cold!

EEKKK

2010-03-15T14:38:00.002-05:00

Mark and I are looking at another house, we went out yesterday just the two of us to walk around the house and property and look. We both still like it so tonight I am taking my parents out there, and if they like it we are going to be calling our realator. Its a 3 bed 3 bath house on 5 acres in the middle of nowhere. I'm kinda having a minor freak out about this! Like is this really going to happen?! So keep us in your thoughts as we figure out logistics and money and everything...

Mish mash

2010-03-12T15:46:00.003-06:00

I know I just posted about Jamaica but now you are going to get a post full of stuff that has happened since then til now, so I can finally be caught up on my blogging.

There have been a few times in the past month where my group of friends has gotten together, and my best friend, who got married last year, has been acting not himself. I see him slowly drifting away from me and there isn't anything I can do about it. He has left me out of important things in his life. He is ignoring texts and facebook messages. I don't know what to do about it, and it hurts so much. It's a big part of why I have been in such a dark funk lately I think.
My dark funk is putting a ravine between me and Mark. The first and worst week of this funk Mark was here Saturday and Sunday and saw it, on Monday when it was the worst, he asked me if I was ok and I had been saying yeah, I'm fine whatever. Finally on Monday when he asked I looked at him and just said no I'm not ok, and you know what he did? HE LEFT, he F-ing went home. I was so pissed! I admit something is wrong and he leaves. That was two weeks ago and I still don't think I am over it. I even hinted in status messages about wanting flowers to cheer me up, or just wanting to feel better, did he do anything, nope nothing. I just want to feel like he cares, ya know?
I went to one of my good friends new boyfriends concerts. He plays in a metal band, not my type of music but I'm there for support, it was actually pretty good, not as bad as I thought. There weren't many people there, it was at "The Library" in Soulard and they have a little shop thing in there with a penis pinata! We were in shock, awe and knew we had to have it. Unfortunately it wasn't for sale, so needless to say we will be going back just to see it.
I'm going to the St Patty's day parade tomorrow with the same friend. It should be fun, I'm ready for some green beer and feel I may not remember alot of what happens tomorrow, but for how I am feeling I think that is ok.
I have been studying but not as much as I would like and I know as I need to. I just want to be sure that this time and energy will pay off in the end.
I am working for a new lady who is mean, hateful, and makes me miserable and sick pretty much everyday I am there. I need the money though so i can't quit. I suffer through and put my check in the bank each time thinking I am closer to having the money to pay for this test.
And to end on a happy note my kitty is getting so big! He came to us last July, his mommy had been hit by a car and he was hiding out at my dads shop. He will be 1 in may and I can't believe it! I am going to add some happy kitty pictures to end with:

My baby boy with his favorite toy

Jasper trying to figure out why he has a pink bed. (It's because we thought he was a girl)

Jasper enjoying the sunshine as a big boy

Helping up to clean up the garage

Jamaica

2010-03-12T15:21:00.005-06:00

I am finally going to get around to my Jamaica mission trip:

the hotel owned by ACE called the Galina Breeze

I went on a mission trip to Jamaica with the college aged and 20 somethings group from my church. it was amazing. We went with a group called ACE or American Caribbean Experience. While there we tutored students, the first student I had was a first grade girl, she could read anything I put in front of her, even big words she could sound out. Next I had a sixth grade boy who couldn't even read the word "go". I was in shock, how has he made it through, ends up they just pass kids through and that's it. In sixth grade they have to take a test and this test tells them whether they go to university or to trade school. Can you imagine that, in sixth grade your life is decided for you. My church sponsors a few of these kids, that gives them the tutoring, food for lunch, uniforms to wear to school. They kids families are so poor some of them sleep on dirt floors, and when it rains they sleep in mud. It was so sad. We were at the schools 4 of the five days we were there, we also did PE with the students because they don't have it as part of their curriculum they also don't get science very often. Entire curriculum's are missing from these kids schooling.

One of the schools we worked at 1st-6th grade

Besides the schools we also went to something called the infirmary. This is basically the "poor house" when you have no money and no family to take care of you this is where you go. It's a giant room with beds all along the perimeter, all these people did was lay in bed all day, until ACE came in. Now they get juice, and fresh water and food at least 3 days a week, they get music, and they are coloring and playing dominoes, and messing with play-doh. Many of these people are older and you may think that's not a big deal, coloring, woohoo, when ACE first started going there most of these people couldn't even get out of bed, its huge that they are now able to do this. These people get basically no vegetables, no fruit and little meat, rice is their main food. One male there, was probably about 19 and he lived in this place because nobody else could handle him, why was he so hard to handle? Because when he was a boy he got "passed around" the males of the town, the only way he could handle it was to act out, now he is drugged up all the time that he can't do anything, because he never had the chance for counseling or the chance for a real life because nobody took him out of the situation he was in. This all sounds sad and hard but let me tell you, this was the chance of a lifetime and i will be going back.

It wasn't all work, we did have some relax time while there. We got to see the football team play that is sponsored by ACE. That was an experience, football is a religion to Jamaicans and so much fun to watch. We had a water volleyball tournament in the pool, great devotions at night with the group. I learned how to play dominoes, the unofficial game of Jamaica. We spent a day in Kingston seeing the only Lutheran church in all of Jamaica, the pastor from that church actually spent the week with us as my church is "unofficially" teamed with him.

The football team sponsored by the Galina Breeze hotel

I am actually going to ask you to click the link above for ACE and see if it is something you would maybe talk to your church about. They need people down there to help, the kids need your tutoring, the people in the infirmaries just need you there visiting with them, talking to them, and making them feel alive again. And Marla just loves it when groups come down!

week 2 weigh in

2010-02-04T11:19:00.002-06:00

I was so nervous to step on the scale today, I thought my heart was going to come out of my chest! I shouldn't have been nervous at all! I lost 2.3 pounds since last weeks weigh in! WOOHOO I was so excited I practically skipped back down the hall! So that means I have lost 3.3 pounds in two week! Working out and watching your calories actually works! If you have an iPhone I 100% recommend the Loseit app. You record everything you eat every time you work out and it keeps tracks of your calories for you and tells you how many more you can eat. It then subtracts the calories you burn when you exercise, it's a great app and helping me out so much right now.

I am not going to make yoga again tonight because I need to work, I'm upset I have only made it to yoga once as compared to my three times for Zumba. I am going to make it back Yoga I swear!

done for the day

2010-02-03T16:35:00.003-06:00

Another day of studying is done, I feel like I got a good amount accomplished today: Cardiac, Endocrine, Hematology, and Musculoskeletal Physio got done. I am going to review them tomorrow morning before i go to work and hopefully tomorrow night at work after Toots goes to bed I can review GI physio. My head feels like it is going to explode, I just want to sleep and I want to be done with it all.

But now I need to go home make dinner, change the laundry out and then go to the gym for Zumba class or Kelly will call and ask where I am and be incredibly dissapointed if I don't go, like she was last night when i didn't go to the gym...bad me.

And did I mention that studying for the USMLE step 1 sucks? Because it really does...

studying

2010-02-03T11:21:00.000-06:00

I'm back at the good ol library to study. Physiology is on the schedule for today. I don't want to do it, I hate Physio it can kiss my ass for all i care, but it's one of the biggest topics on the test so I can't just skip it. I guess I just need to suck it up and do it, huh? UGHH wish me luck.

As a side note, i totally can't wait for my scheduled lunch break because I am going to allow myself to watch biggest Loser from last night, woohoo!

giveaway

2010-01-27T17:09:00.000-06:00

Head over to fantabulously frugal and check out her giveaway. It ends tomorrow, and I have no idea how I missed it! It's a $100 gift card to Amazon, from Mr. Rebates, how awesome is that!!

procrastination is fun

2010-01-26T13:30:00.003-06:00

So I am sitting at the library where I am supposed to be studying for the Step 1, I have done some, but I'm just not in it today. So instead I have been wasting time on the interwebs and watching the Biggest Loser online. I just finished the first episode of the season and am moving onto the second. And now it has gotten me incredibly nervous for my weigh-in on Thursday. My Lose-it account has me set to lose one pound a week. What if I can't even do that, what if these people are losing 20 something pounds a week and I can't even lose one?

On top of that Mark and i got into a huge fight this weekend, and I almost chucked my engagement ring at his head when he was threatening to walk out. It was all over pretty stupid stuff but to us it felt huge. We made a pact to work on it and with him getting a job closer to me and spending more time at my house I think we can make it work.

My friend bubble is fixing to explode, stuff is going on and it's only a matter of time before the shit hits the fan. I think I started it all in motion on Saturday night, you really shouldn't piss me off in the middle of Mark and I fighting because whatever is on my mind will come out.

I can't wait to go to the gym with Kelly tonight and have our talk time in the sauna, its a great way to cleanse the body and mind.

I'm really craving something greasy right now, and I think it's only because I know I can't have it.

Why can't I bring myself to study when I know I need to?

Why did I fall asleep singing "mary had a little lamb last night" I think I am going nuts, maybe you should have me committed.

So this turned into a much more random post than originally planned but hey that's what makes it fun.

Weight

2010-01-23T15:36:00.002-06:00

I know this is a common topic after the first of the year, but it's a real problem for me now. All through high school, undergrad and even medical school i weighed a steady 125 pounds, I was incredibly happy with that. Then I got on the scale at the gym on Thursday and it read 148, I almost had a heart attack. I thought OK, gym scale people on and off it constantly its probably not calibrated correctly. So I cam home and got on the scale at home thinking it'd have to read lower, definitely not, according to the home scale I am 149.6 pounds. So in a matter of 2 years I have gained 25 pounds. To most people its like "whoopdie do big deal" But to someone who was the exact same weight for 8 years, that's HUGE!

It's a good thing I started going to the gym again before i jumped on the scale or else people would think this was just a fluke gym thing. It's not my mom, and 3 of my good friends and I all go to the gym together. We are doing Zumba, and Yoga as well as treadmill and weight machines. Then after each visit to the gym we sit in the sauna for 20 minutes, what a great way to get rid of nastiness in your skin!

So this blog is now also going to become my weekly check-in for weight. I also downloaded an app to my iPhone to track my calories per day, my exercise, and my BMI. Hopefully it helps!

Christmas, a month late

2010-01-22T11:25:00.002-06:00

Yes it is January 22, 2010 and I am just now getting around to posting about Christmas. It's probably going to be short because honestly I don't remember much about it anymore.

On Christmas Eve we always go over to my Grandparents house. So there were mom, dad, Christian, Mandy, Mark, Me, Jesse, jeffrey, Lora, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt JoAnn, Aunt Sis, and Uncle Tom. We gathered around and ate a yummy meal of baked ham, fried Turkey, 3 bean casserole, mashed potatoes, slaw, jello salad ( I didn't eat this EWWWW) and some other stuff I am sure I am forgetting, and all enjoying yummy margaritas, pina colladas, and beers. After the meal and everything was cleaned up we opened gifts. Clothes, movies, shoes, posters, GPS's, tools, toolboxes and so much more. It was a great night and I love spending time with family. After gift opening and hanging out Mark had to elave to go to a family friends and then to candlelight service with his family. Then my brothers, me my aunt and uncle and lora and played a game, michigan rummy or something like that. It was weird! But I had fun learning a new game and I am sure we will play it again.

Christmas day. Woke up in the morning and opened gifts at home with the immediate family, more clothes, purses, cupcake stuff, docking station for my iphone, oh and my phone was an early christmas gift. And my most favorite gift: A new mattress for my waterbed since my cat had popped the new one I bought a few weeks before and i had been sleeping on a twin mattress thrown into my waterbed frame=incredibly uncomfortable! After that I had to shower and head to Marks. The roads were horrible! A van spun out right in front of me and bounced off the guard-rails a few times before it stopped, I'm still not sure how I didn't hit him or get hit. It was incredibly scary! Then I went around a turn and there was an accident in the middle of the road and you couldn't see it until you were right there, not sure how I missed it too, but I know God was with me! So because of all that excitement I got to Marks house late and we had to jump back into cars and go to his cousins house. There we all hung out and ate a ton more food. Mark's uncle was there and i was so happy! I don't get to see him often and he is so much fun when I do.

We left his cousins house and went back to his house where I got to open my gifts from his parents: A red crock pot, a red kitchen aid food processor, black and white salt and pepper shakers, and Christmas kitchen towels. In case you couldn't tell I want a red, white and black kitchen and his mom is really helping me get it! Mark got me the Twilight scene it game for the Wii.

WOW I am one spoiled rotten brat! But it was fun!

Christian and Mandys wedding

2010-01-14T20:27:00.005-06:00

My twin brother got married December 19th, and it was a blast!! After the rehersal dinner the bride, bridesmaids, and brides brother all stayed the night at Mandy's parents house. We slept on the floor and had a great time just hanging out. We got up the next morning and all went to get our hair and make-up done, then it was off to the Provincial House chapel on the campus of UMSL to hang out in the brides room and drink mimosas. When it was time to get Mandy ready the videographer came in and had us all say something, I blubbered like a baby, something about finally getting a sister. Then it was time for the walk down the aisle:The vows:

the unity candle ceremony:

The new Mr. and Mrs.:
After that there was a bunch of hanging around the church and taking pictures, then it was off to the party bus! What a great time! Everyone was drinking, dancing, laughing, it was just fun. We stopped at Busch Stadium to take some pictures, it was freaking freezing out there! But I think we got some good ones.

The reception was at Orlando Gardens on Telegraph, everyone had a blast.

first dance:

father/daughter dance:

mother/son dance:

Hoe-down throw-down:I didn't know 100% how to do this dance but at least I got out there and tried, which is more than anyone else can say. I couldn't hold up against the boys though, they kick ass at that dance. We danced the night away, it was so fun, my feet and legs didn't like me the next day but oh well, I had a blast.

Hopefully tomorrow I will get my Christmas, and mission trip posts up. Thanks for hanging around while I wasn't blogging to all of you left, I appreciate you!

stuff

2009-12-28T13:07:00.001-06:00

OK, this is going to be a quick update and in the new year I will post a few substantial posts. I have to blog about my brothers wedding, Christmas, and most importantly my mission trip to Jamaica!!

I leave January 2nd and come back on the 9th. I can't freaking wait!! So after I get back I will give you bunches of blog posts with bunches of pictures!!

What I needed

2009-11-18T09:36:00.003-06:00

This is just what I needed today:

A good laugh, helped so much. The dogs woke me up this morning with puddles and piles and having to chase one through the house. Not a great way to start the morning. I kinda knew right then that today wasn't gonna be the best day ever. But these little guys helped some.

Now if only it weren't raining outside, there were flowers everywhere, and I could get out of this funk.

Blah

2009-11-17T17:11:00.002-06:00

Blah, that's how I feel today. My brother and his fiance closed on their first house yesterday, and I am so happy for them, they are getting married in 1 month and 2 days. It's a cute little house, in a nice neighborhood. I just can't help but think, he and I are the exact same age, and I am still living with my parents and trying to finish school. Why can't it be me that is almost married to the love of my life and setting up my home with him. I never thought I would be the person that was going to be close to 30 before I moved out of my parents house. I had a goal and timeline set or my life, why can't it just go according to that. Why did I suddenly have to hit this brick-wall and why can't I climb it or bust through it. I keep telling myself its God's timeline and plan but it just isn't working. I'm very quickly losing patience with it.

I have recently started to think what else I could do with my BA so that I can move my life forward. If I could find a good job I wouldn't need to finish med-school and Mark and I could start a life together. I thought about maybe getting a job in a lab or something. I haven't gone farther than that though, I can't bring myself to start looking. I want to be a doctor I just don't feel like I have the patience or stamina anymore for it.

The moral of this post, I WANT MY LIFE TO MOVE FORWARD!

Thanks for listening to me complain, I will try to come up with something more positive later.

another giveaway

2009-11-17T14:38:00.001-06:00

Head over to fantabulosly frugal and check out the new giveaway she has going on with outfit additions.

Busy

2009-10-16T16:09:00.006-05:00

WOW I have been busy! A few weeks ago I went with Mom to a great friends wedding in Arkansas. Shayla and Sergio got married in a beautiful ceremony. They had a wonderful reception at a gorgeous old house in Little Rock. Shayla wore a gorgeous Maggie Sotterro dress that she has had her eyes on since she first got engaged.

Mom and I explored all over Little Rock. We went to the William Clinton Library, wasn't incredibly imrpessed with it. We walked all around the Market district and went to the Old State House. It was beautiful! And there were some really awesome exhibits inside.

Last Sunday mark and I went to Eckerts to pick our pumpkins and apples. We had so much fun walking around and looking at all the animals and watching the Pig races! Mark and I then bought pooping pig key chains and chased each other around with them.

The pig races:

Mark picking his apples:

A pretty apple in a tree:

Me picking my apples:

Me with my most perfectest pumpkin:

Cool pumpkin in the patch:

Mark and I at Eckerts:

This past Wednesday Mark and I went shopping. We hit up Gordman's and Old Navy. I got three new dresses a new pair of leggings and a new pair of jeans. Then I went shopping today and got two new shirts from JCPenny's, a Christmas present for my little brothers girlfriend, my new shoes for Christian's wedding and a clutch th carry. I also got grey boots to wear with my new dresses and leggings, I am so excited to wear them!!! I also got the gift for Mandy's wedding shower, and the placemats. I think I am almost done with all of the stuff for it. I am going to the Blues game on Firday the 23rd with some girlfriends, its the pink out game, so part of my ticket goes to breast cancer research and we get a pink shirt! So I bought a long sleeved pink t-shirt for breast cancer research and a pink Blues t-shirt to wear. So now for pictures of my new shoes!!!

Shoes for the wedding, my clutch matches them perfectly!

My new grey boots, I heart them so much!

I think that about covers everything that i have been up to for the last few weeks. On and in there I worked for 160 hours in 1 week. It was long, boring, and at time annoying, but it was amazing money so I am not going to complain. Tomorrow we are going to the Zoo and we are going to do the behind the scenes tour, Penguin and Puffins. I'll have a bunch of pictures to post after that too!

giveaway one million for the month

2009-09-30T17:09:00.003-05:00

OK not really but it feels like it, and no I am not complaining, in the least! The ladies from handbag Heaven and fantabulosluy frugal have teamed up for a wonderful giveaway. Either $50 to handbag Heaven or a purse of your choosing from the site! So head over to fantabulosly frugal to check it out!

And a big shout out thank you to Sharon from Culinary adventures of a new wife, for hosting a great giveaway which I happened to win! Go over and check her site out, she has some fantastic recipies!!!

giveaway

2009-09-23T16:06:00.000-05:00

Another pretty nifty giveaway is going on now! So much happening out there in the blogosphere these past few days!! Misadventures of a Newlywed is hosting a giveaway to remind us of the summer that has passed us by!

Some randomness

2009-09-22T17:01:00.002-05:00

First the amazing lady over at Good Girls inc is hosting another giveaway in honor of her 175th post! Woohoo, I'm so happy for you, and it makes me so excited to even get to 100 posts...I've got a ways to go though!

Lets see what else..I went to the Cards/Cubs game with my Mom/Dad/and Mark on Sunday night. We had a balst even though we lost after 11 innings. Especially hard to take since we though we won it in the 9th. Before the game we headed to Lumiere place with Christian and Mandy. Lost some money at the slots and just had a good time hanging out. I'll post some pictures of the game later...I still need to put them on my camera.

Seven weeks ago I ordered new contacts. Never heard anything about them, I called the office 3 times to ask about it and left messages with the contact lady and never got calls back. Well in the past seven weeks I've gotten 3 eye infections from my old contacts because I have been wearing them for 3 months and they are supposed to be monthly. So after calling again and not getting anywhere my mom called up there yesterday and wouldn't get off the phone until she got some answers. Ends up that even though I paid in full for my contacts the NEVER ordered them. So I have been dealing with a blood red eye, that waters and gunks constantly that swells shut and hurts like none other because they couldn't bother to order my contacts! I was so mad, I went up there today and picked up my prescription I'm getting them from somewhere else. Where do you get your contacts from? Has anyone ever used 1-800-contacts? I'm trying to decide the best option.

My trip to Ohio wasn't bad. I got to spend time with Mark and his dad which was fun, and I got to meet one of Marks best friends Mike. Him, his wife, and their little son are just wonderful! I kinda wish we lived closer so we could see them more than once a year because they are pretty awesome. There were some really nice cars there, Mustangs, El Caminos and a bunch of others. I got a new shirt, got Jeff an shirt and Jesse some decals for his Road runner.

Poor Jasper got really sick last week from a mixture of his vaccines and de-worming medicine. The poor little guy had a fever, could barely move and meowed in pain in you touched him. If you would have looked at him laying on the couch you would have swore he was dead, we really didn't think he was going to make it. After 2 days of him not eating/drinking or going potty the vet gave him fluids subcutaneously and it really helped him. Next week the poor little guy goes to get the snip-snip. I feel so bad already knowing he is going to be scared because I am leaving him at the vets and then in pain and mad at me. I know it's for the best but I still really worry about my baby.

I'm sure there is more stuff but I am drawing a blank now. Hope my random rambeling didn't bore you too much!

Maggie

2009-09-16T12:23:00.003-05:00

We got Maggie in 1994 not long after my grandfather passed away. She was just a little fuzz ball, so sweet and soft. I remember going to the Humane Society with my mom to get her. We were trying to decide between her and a German Shepard puppy. We took Maggie into the little room and she was just so excited she was jumping and playing, she pooped everywhere and was just too cute. I had to have her. She was never overly hyper, playful or rough. She was always a calm and loving dog. She did good with Jesse and Jeffrey who were only 4 at the time we brought her home. The only problem we ever had with her was when she tried to eat the neighbors Chihuahuas. She doesn't like yippey dogs either. She loved to run, she knew when mom and dad were coming home from work and would meet them at the top of the road and race them home, she always won too. She slept with me on my bed, and she had her own pillow and blanket, she'd lay on her pillow and I'd have to cover her up before I could go to bed. Then grandma moved in with us and I went to Valpo and she started to sleep with her. Whenever grandma would leave to visit my uncle Maggie wouldn't eat until grandma got back. We were all worried when grandma died, we figured maggie wouldn't be far behind. But it's been over a year. However Maggie's end is drawing near, probably within the next week or so. She has a hard time walking she is so stiff, and a really hard time sitting, but she isn't in pain. She doesn't whine, and she lets me pet her hips and rub them without any problem. It's gonna be really hard when we have to take her in, She's been my dog since I was 11 and my little brothers dog since they were 4. She's been a great dog for all of us and we will miss her.

This is Maggie from about 4 years ago, when she was having no problems at all, she could sit, sit pretty, shake and lay down. i think now if we asked her to do any of them she would still try...This is Maggie from about 2-3 years ago, you can tell she is looking older and more worn out. But she was laying on her grannies bed so she didn't care.

And this one is Maggie from just a few weeks ago. You can really see a difference here. This is a pretty common stance for her now, she tried to sit and then her front legs slide out from under her.But no matter what Maggie was a great puppy and she will always be my baby girl.

It's been a good day!!

2009-09-09T16:10:00.004-05:00

It's been a great day!!! First I found out yesterday I get to go the Fabulous Fox and see "The Phantom of the Opera" on October 4th!! I can't wait! I have never been to the Fox and can't wait to see it, and I absolutely LOVE the Phantom!! Sooo excited, my brothers girlfriend is the bestest!!! She got me the ticket!
Then this morning at 11:20 I got 4 tickets to the Cards/Cubs game on Sunday September 20th!! I can't wait!! This is going to be my first Cards/Cubs game and I can't wait for the fun to begin!! I am sooooo fricken excited! Now I just hope for a winner!
The four tickets sitting on the island in my house!!

A close up of one of the tickets, with the date and game on it! WOOHOO!!!!

And the shirt I bought today to wear to the game! WOOHOO!!

And just for fun and to piss my fiance off I bought this in a t-shirt today. He is a HUGE International Harvester fan and can't stand John Deere! HEHE can't wait to show him and see his face. :D Am I evil or what? I am off this weekend to the International Scout and Light Truck Nationals with Mark and we are meeting his Dad there. It's something he goes to every year with his Dad, I am tagging along this year because he wants me too. I don't know much about them and to be honest I think Scouts are rather ugly but I will be with him and that's all that matters. And it's a weekend away from St. Louis which will be fun. They apparently have a swap meet too so maybe I will find something cool there...who knows.
I hope you all have a great weekend and enjoy the rest of the week! I leave tomorrow night, and have a bunch of laundry to do so I can pack and be ready to go.

comic relief

2009-08-21T13:54:00.003-05:00

A lady over at the wedding website I am a member of posted this. It made me crack up so I felt the need to share with all of you:

Random thoughts from people 25-35 years old..

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves
me.

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to
have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and
sticks when they've invented the lighter?

-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
direction from which you came, you have to first do something like
check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to
yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

-That's enough, Nickelback.

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose
not to be friends with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all
know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first
saw it.

-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the
only one who really, really gets it.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to
finish a text.

- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",
all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a ---- from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete
idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and
said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.

- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu'
to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an
overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

- Bad decisions make good stories

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if
I do!

- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring
would probably just be completely invisible.

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
a problem....

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
want to have to restart my collection.

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
swear I did not make any changes to.

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people
watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will
they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't
watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone
and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light
internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
speed for pedophiles...

- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I’d bet my --- everyone can find and push the Snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time
every time...

-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and
the link takes me to a video instead of text.

-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,
someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think
about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people
eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by
myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard
before dinner.

awesome giveaway!

2009-08-18T18:33:00.001-05:00

The lovely lady over at Fantabulosly frugal is at it again! She is giving away a $50 gift certificate to NOVICA! They have some pretty awesome stuff on their site, go check them out too! Wish her a happy birthday while you are there, today is her birthday!!

substance

2009-08-17T16:16:00.004-05:00

I know I promised a post of substance, and well I am finally delivering. If any of you are left out there paying any attention at all to my blog. I know I left you for a while. I was going through some things.

1. I did not pass my test again...Got me really down. I did however see tons of improvement and I am just starting to organize studying again.

2. My best friend got married. It was a beautiful ceremony with lots of tears, and smiles. And a ton of fun was had on the party bus and at the reception!

3. Mark and I decided to buy a house, then decided not too. That one was hard on both of us. We found a house we both loved, and where about to put in a bid, then freaked out about the money. So i think we are going to wait a while. Sometimes thinking and acting like a grown-up sucks!

4. I am now trying to help plan my twin brother's fiances shower, and her aunt who is also planning is being a real b*tch. She is such a control freak and is leaving me nothing to do. HELLO this is my twin brother, I am in the wedding, you are an aunt, let me do something!!

5. We went through a bit of a health scare with my mom, luckily it's nothing too serious. But she and I are now going to the gym together so that we can stay healthy! And we want to look hot at said brothers wedding. ;)

6. I got a new kitten! He was a stray found behind my dad's shop. His mom had been seen the day before decapitated in the middle of the street, so sad. But he is such a lively, and loving boy. He purrs constantly and loves to be around people, and boy is he full of energy! At first we thought he was a she, until the vet informed me otherwise..WHOOPS we already had a pink bed, pink collar, pink toys and a girls name. That is now all changed except for the bed...he doesn't use it anyway he sleeps with me so I figured it didn't matter.
I know that more happened, but I am drawing a blank, so I guess that's gonna be it for now. And if anyone is left, I promise I will do better about updating. It felt good to sit down and make a post today.

another giveaway.

2009-08-04T10:17:00.002-05:00

I know I know, it's been a freaking long time. I will put up a more substantial post I swear. Hopefully later today. I will I promise. But the lovely lady over at fantabulosly frugal is at it again! Her birthday is coming up and she is doing an amazing giveaway in honor of it. So go over check it out and wish her a happy birthday!

Another amazing giveaway

2009-06-17T12:09:00.001-05:00

The lovely lady over at fantabulosly frugal is at it again! She's giving away scentsy, scent bars that are so much safer than candles!

And I know it's been a while since I actually blogged, I'll write one soon. The test is on the 24th and after that I will have time to write.

Amazing giveaway!!!!!

2009-06-09T11:31:00.001-05:00

The lovely lady over Fantabulously Frugal is having an amazing giveaway!! It's seriously the best I have seen. Go over and check it out, and tell her I sent you please!!!

ARGHH

2009-04-22T16:36:00.001-05:00

So I just talked to Mark and the broker called him and we won't hear anything until tomorrow, I really don't know if I can wait that long to know. My lower lip is going to be gone because I chew it when I get nervous. ARGHHHH

Freaking out

2009-04-22T16:15:00.002-05:00

Ok so my parents were looking for a house for my twin brother and his fiance, in their searching they found a house that would be perfect for Mark and I. It needs some work and it's listed for $109,900 which on 3 acres of land with a barn, stables, two car garage and two other outbuildings and three bed three bath house isn't bad at all! So today we called a mortgage broker to see about getting pre-approved and I am freaking out waiting to hear back from her. What if we don't get it? What if they laugh at us and say no way in HE double hockey sticks are we gonna give you a home loan. I was so nervous calling the lady today that I had to call my mom and talk to her before I called this lady and my mom pretty much said ok i am going to hang up and you ARE going to call her, then call me back so I know you did it. It was horrible!!! And now I am trying to study while I wait to hear back...YEA RIGHT!!! I'm just soo nervous what if they say no, or what if they say yes! ARGHHHHHH How did you all handle this, because I am a wreck and I can't stay like this and hope t be a functioning member of society!

WOW

2009-04-03T08:23:00.002-05:00

OKOK I know I've been away for awhile, and I am sorry! But it's for a good reason, I've been studying my booty off! And I have seen soooo much improvement in my score! Not enough yet but enough for me to be able to see an end to this sometime! I can't wait for that day! Once I pass this stupid test I can actually start clinicals and be in the hospitals and I can start to plan my wedding! WOOHOO i can't wait!!! I'm heading home on Thursday the 9th, I can't wait to see everyone. my mommy is coming up here on Monday and I am going to take her around KC and then she is going to ride home with me so I don't need to be by myself. I think Mark is pretty darn excited about me coming home even though I won't get to see him too much because I am still going to be closed off in a dark cave somewhere studying. Sorry my life isn't more interesting right now...

Oh but I did find an awesome giveaway for you all to enter! Its at girlsinc She is giving away an awesome get ready for summer kit! It has OPI nailpolish, a wine glass, lemonade mix, sunglasses and incredibly cute towel! It's just awesome, so head over and check it out!

And for my what am I studying today:
Mu opiod analgesic such as morphine can cause a contraction and spasm of the sphincter of odi causing intense pain in the gallbladder. Interesting huh?

Very busy

2009-02-22T11:32:00.004-06:00

Hey all, sorry about not updating more than I have been. But this studying for the Step 1 thing kinda gets in the way, hope you can understand that. Kansas City is a gorgeous city! I live about a mile from the plaza so I am there rather often. There has been some drama with the program but it's getting better and I am slowly seeing a rise in my scores, now I'm just getting impatient for the big jump I need to see.

I've been seeing a counselor about my anxiety problems and we may have found the root of them, one Mr. David Scupham. He was my advisor at Valpo and the first time he ever met me he told me to give up on my dream of ever being a doctor, that I wouldn't make it. He was the first person who ever told me I couldn't do what I wanted and apparently that scared me alot deeper than I thought. So I am working through it.

Mark and Cub came up for Valentines day, Mark and i went to a really nice dinner at "Jack Stacks BBQ" then we walked around the plaza and came back to the apartment and played with cubby. On Sunday Cub and my roomates dog Byron got to meet and play to together. He is 100 lbs heavier than her but they got along great and played really well together!

Yesterday i had some really yummy BBQ from a place called "Oklahome Joe's" it's a BBQ restraunt in a gas station. I was skeptical but it was delicious! That might be all for now...really all i do is study my life is boring right now.

Oh yea, what am I studying right now? The Alveolar-Blood gas exchange. The first paragraph n the page I am reading now is: Pgas=Fgas x Patm. By convention the partial pressure of the gas is expressed in terms of it's dry gas concentration. Example the PO2 in ambient air: Po2=0.21 x 760=160 mmHg

Fun stuff huh??? I know you are jealous you don't get to read anymore and I do!

Giveaways

2009-01-24T22:02:00.003-06:00

Hey all,

Just a quick post to say I heard about a few giveaways and i wanted to share with all of you!
Hope you hop on over and check them out:

Win a free blog makeover from the wonderfully talented Blogs by Danielle

And then jump over to Monogram Chick and check out the incredibly cute aqua-dot coffee mug she is giving away!!

Enjoy and hopefully one of us wins!!

I'll try to make a more substantial post tomorrow!

Feeling better

2009-01-19T16:51:00.002-06:00

So I think I was just really PMSing or something yesterday, I feel MUCH better today. So now that I have a sunny outlook on life again it's time to get back into studying and cut myself off from the computer again. I'll check my google reader during my breaks but I most likely won't post again until this weekend, unless something really good happens. But for now it's back to my Path notes and reviewing about cell death and inflammation. If I get really bored later I might gie you all a glimpse into what I am studying...actually that might be a fun little weekly thing, type up a page of my notes so you know what I am doing...I'll have to think about it a little more. Let me know if you think it sounds interesting, or just incredibly nerdish of me! But for now I leave you with this...

Bad day

2009-01-18T10:00:00.002-06:00

UCK...I'm having a bad day and I've only been up for an hour. I feel like crap, weak and tired my head hurts. I didn't want to get out of bed but I need to study. Then I got annoyed at Mark because he didn't answer the phone last night when I tried to call. We almost never get to talk and then when I do try to call he can't even wake up to answer the phone, added onto me not feeling well= not good conversation. So really I just want to crawl back into bed and forget this day ever happened. Maybe I'll just curl up with Anthony and cry for a minute, that might help. This is the time when I really really really miss tibs, he would have curle up with me and made me feel better.

Anyway hopefully this will bring a smile to your face today:

Changes

2009-01-07T21:11:00.002-06:00

So far 2009 has been full of changes. I have moved to Kansas City for 3 months to partake in a study program for the USMLE Step 1. So far I am a big fan. I hope this is the thing that turns it all around for me. Other things that may help this:

Less time spent online-either just looking through websites, or chatting with people
Less time spent on the phone talking to people-my mom and Mark
More time concentrating on studying and less time daydreaming
Working out in the evening after class to give me energy to study
Eating healthier foods-fats make you INCREDIBLY tired
Spending a little time each day having a chat with God-big man upstairs controls all, and isn't that someone you'd like to have on your side? I know I would, I just forget sometimes that he's there. Glad he never forgets I'm here

So far I have done really well with all these, granted it's only been three days but if I can keep it up through this week it'll be easier next week and by the week after it'll be a normal pattern.

Other changes: I have two awesome new roommates! Shayla and I were so worried about who we would be living with but we got so lucky! They are some pretty amazing girls and are a great moral support as well!

Another big change that hasn't happened yet but will and is still a bit weird for me to put out here: I am going to start seeing a counselor about my anxiety problems. I freak out over pretty much anything. When I go to my best friends house who I have been friends with for years and years and years I freak out. What if I have the wrong time, what if i have the wrong day, what if I am dressed wrong for the planned activity, what is they don't really like me and just invite me out of pity. Stuff like that until I have myself pretty darn sick and thinking I'm gonna have to pull over and up-chuck. This gets intensified by a million when I meet new people or am in a larger group. So yea, I'm gonna start seeing a counselor about that. The people here think that may be a rather large portion of my not doing so well on the test in the past. So we shall see.

So now that I have told you my changes, what are some you have already see this year?

Its 2009

2009-01-02T11:51:00.004-06:00

All I have to say is good ridance to 2008! One of the worst years of my life. I had to say goodbye to my baby boy Tibs. I had to say goodbye to my grandma after taking care of her for 8 and a half months. I failed the board exam twice, and had countless other emotional breakdowns. There were arguments and fights, and family problems. I only hope that 2009 is better. It didn't start as happily as I had hoped but it showed me there are things I need to change and I can't just hope things get better. Its time I take charge of my life and stop just hoping things happen. It's time to make things happen. So here's to you and your hopes/plans for the new year. I hope you take the energy to make them happen and to make this year a great one! What are your thoughts on the new year?

Merry Christmas!!

2008-12-24T12:17:00.002-06:00

Merry Christmas to all of my readers! I hope you have a wonderful time with your family and friends. But please don't forget the true reason for this season, to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Don't let his light out of the season.

I'm just waiting for Mark to get here so we can go over to my grandparent's to celebrate and then its off to 11:00 church tonight and tomorrow waking up in the morning and opening presents with my family then going to Marks house to open more presents, and finally to his cousins for Christmas dinner. So I hope you all stay safe and have a wonderful Christmas!

YAY!!!

2008-12-22T23:21:00.002-06:00

Mark's parents, Mark, Cub, and I all went up and met Charlie tonight. It went well! His parent's are going to be picking him up either Friday or Saturday. I'm so happy, so happy that Charlie is going to get his forever home and its with my future in-laws! And Cub will have someone to play with when her grandma and grandpa come in town! So welcome to the newest member of the family Charlie!!

Elf Yourself

2008-12-17T11:40:00.001-06:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

DONE!!!

2008-12-16T16:46:00.003-06:00

All of my Christmas shopping is done!! Bought my last gifts today, just waiting for one last UPS shipment and then I need to wrap. I HATE wrapping!! HATE it with a passion, maybe I'll just buy some gift bags, much easier than wrapping paper. I can't wait to just spend time with the family and eat a ton of yummy food!! We'll be spending Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas day with Marks family. Should be a good time. But anyways this was just a quick post to say I was done shopping!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!

Cub's brother

2008-12-15T13:55:00.002-06:00

It looks like Mark's parents are going to be adopting Cub's brother from The St. Francois Society when they are in town over Christmas. Mark's dad has been in love with Cub since we brought her home and he wants a dog just like her. When her brother came up for adoption Steve tried to get info about him but never did hear back so he assumed he had been re-adopted. Mark and i went back to petsmart yesterday and Charlie was there! We called Steve and he called Charlie's foster mom today. They are going to meet when his parents get in and if all goes well we will get to spend our first Christmas with not only Cub but also Charlie! Then Charlie gets to go back to Maryland with Mark's parents, and the brother and sister won't get to see each other often. But teir reunions will be extra special then! so just keep praying that things go well and everyone gets along!!

Lazy...

2008-12-02T09:31:00.002-06:00

I know its been a while since I last posted, I don't have any excuse except that I've been lazy, incredibly incredibly lazy. So whats happened?

-I went and saw the Twilight movie. It wasn't wonderful it wasn't horrible, it was OK. There were some key scenes from the book that I really think the movie needed, and some added scenes in the movie that I don't think were needed. I'm hoping that in the second movie the acting improves because i wasn't convinced. But I will definately see the second movie and buy the first one when it comes out.

-Thanksgiving. Mark came to my house and we had "dinner" with my family around 1:30 it was delicious, and Mom and I did most of the cooking. It was our first Thanksgiving without grandma and it was tough but we did it and I think our food was almost as good as hers! Then after dinner hear we headed to Southern Illinois to have dessert with his family. I don't do well in groups of people I know well and I especially don't do well in a group of people I don't know well. So I almost got sick on the way there but I made it, and I made Mark PROMISE not to leave me. So whats the first thing he does when we get there? Go for a walk with the guys and left me sitting with the women and talking. I did ok, I even managed to make some conversation, I'm getting a little more comfortable with his family. I'm still just so afraid they won't like me, or I'm going to do something stupid. ARGH I need to get over my fear of being in groups.

-Day after thanksgiving. Went to another of Mark's families farms, different people from the day before. Once again on the way there I got sick and thought I was going to pass out. Once again made him promise not to leae me. we get there and he does much better of not leaving me, until his parents get there, then he leaes me with his mom and the other women again while the guys go outside to shoot guns and such. I didn't do so well with keeping up my end of the conversation this time. But I was sititng in the back corner of the room so I don't think anyone noticed. After an hour or two i think i finally started to talking. At least I know i was sitting in the middle of the room and talking when Mark finally came in. So I guess thats good. Maybe I should go to the doctor about this....

Twilight movie!!!!

2008-11-25T14:06:00.003-06:00

So tomorrow a group of friends and I are going to see the Twilight movie! I'm so freaking excited I can't even sit still!!! I LOVED all of the books and want more, I'm lost without having anymore Edward to read about! Hurry up and get "Midnight Sun" out please!! So stay tuned for my movie review in the next few days. I know you all will be waiting anxiously for that. If you haven't read Twilight go out and buy the book and read! It's an addiction, a lifestyle, a love.

Tagged!

2008-11-21T19:11:00.003-06:00

I've been tagged by the lovely Angie and also "C" These are my first tags ever on blogger and it's pretty darn exciting!OK lets see....7 random facts. Let's see if I can come up with that many

1.) I have a twin brother and I also have little brothers that are also twins. So that would be 2 sets of twins in my family, and I am of course the only girl.

2.) I didn't go to a non-Lutheran school until medical school. I was in a Lutheran pre-school, grade school, high school, and university. It felt weird to not be in a Lutheran school after so long.

3.) I am scared of Jello, literally scared of it. I will run and scream the other way from it. One of my best friends in undergrad used to love to torment me with it.

4.) I am almost deaf in one ear. I had an earache but I was at my best friends house and didn't want to leave so I ignored it. Well the next morning I woke up and there was blood and pus coming out of my ear. Turns out my ear drum ruptured and it never healed correctly so now I can't hear well out of it.

5.) My fiance is about the only person that can make me smile even when I don't want to. And then when I get mad at him for that he laughs and that makes me laugh. And I love him for it.

6.) I never wanted anything more than to be a doctor but since I met Mark I want nothing more than to be married to him AND be a doctor :-D

7.) I LOVE cookie dough, I make it and end up eating about as much as actually becomes cookies, but I don't like cookie-dough ice cream.

OK there are my 7 random things. I think everyone has done this but if not consider yourself tagged and do it!!!

More giveaways

2008-11-17T19:30:00.003-06:00

Got two more giveaways from Sarah's blog. The first one is a monogram giveaway (thinking about using them for a baby shower coming up) over at Monogram Chick. And the second one is a lipgloss and Sephora gift card giveaway, how much more awesome can you get?! So jump over to Lipstick Diaries and check it out! Hope you all enjoy these sites as well and find some cool stuff!

Hello my name is...

2008-11-15T14:43:00.002-06:00

Amber, and I am addicted to the Twilight series. Yes I haven't posted anyhting since hte last post about the book because I have been too busy reading it and the two after it. I have to wait until tomorrow to get the fourth book though because Mark wants to get it for me. So I am trying to make the last 150 pages of "Eclipse" last the rest of today. Its hard. I have a feeling that once I am done with "Breaking Dawn" that I will have a void. I had my first Edward Cullen dream last night....oh man I didn't want to wake up! He is soooo amazing and its a fricken fictional character! I can't wait to be able to see the movie, but I'm waiting for a few of my friends to read the books first so we can all go see it together. Well I guess thats all I'll post more once I am done reading!

I did it...

2008-11-08T14:15:00.004-06:00

I broke down today and bought the first "Twilight" book. I've had enough of everyone telling me how good it is, I have to find out for myself. So I'll let you all know what I think when I finish it. Which according to everyone should be today. I just hope its as good as everyone says and I'm not being set up for disappointment.

a giveaway

2008-11-07T10:19:00.002-06:00

I have recently started following a new blog and in honor of her 100th post she is doing an awesome giveaway of Sephora makeup!! So go over and check it out! Hope you enjoy it and read the rest of her blog its really good!!

RUT

2008-11-06T20:00:00.002-06:00

Do you ever just feel stuck? And then not want to talk about it, just want it to fix itself? I hate confrontation, and just want everything to be peachey. The worst part is some of the stuff that bothers me is like the stupidest stuff ever, which then bothers me even more. I feel like I have so much wasted time now, in which I should be studying or doing something else and I don't. I've been so lazy and I hate that too. I feel like some people aren't putting as much effort into certain things as I am. I just feel worn out. I'm sorry for being such a downer just how I am feeling. Hopefully the next post will be more uplifting.

Elections are tomorrow

2008-11-03T19:08:00.003-06:00

So elections are tomorrow and as horrible as this is going to sound I still don't know who I am voting for in the office of President. I know all the state and county offices I am voting for and all the propositions. But president I am still lost. I can't decide on which is the lesser of two evils, I'm half tempted to write in a vote for my dog and be done with it. There are stances of each that I agree with and stances I don't, just wish I knew which ones were most important to me so I could decide. Well by this time tomorrow I will have decided, and nobody will know but me. I don't tell anyone who I vote for not my fiance not my parents and not even you my blog readers. I don't even tell those people who call to see if "they can count on my vote for Joe Blow" It's between me and that piece of paper, or in the case now me and the computer. But I do know I will be happy when this is over and there are no more phone calls, junk mail that just gets thrown away and constantly talking about it on the TV. But anyways no matter who you are voting for don't forget to get out there and vote! It's a great opportunity we have and we need to all take advantage of that freedom.

Cubs brother

2008-10-29T19:03:00.008-05:00

Mark and I got our puppy Cub (she's the multi-colored spotted one) from the St. Francois Society, they have adoptions every Sunday at the PetSmart in South County. We have had her for about 5 months and we wanted to take her up there and show her off. We went up there and hung out with the nice ladies for awhile then went inside to Cub a few new toys, shes rather spoiled. When we were walking out one of the ladies says oh well their is Charlies sister. Charlie was one of Cub's litter-mates and his parents brought him back, not sure why but they did. It broke my heart to see them sniffing and playing with each other and then to have to walk away and leave him there. I did however get a few pictures of them together. I just hope someone who has enough love and time for him adopts him because Cub has been a great addition to our lives and I know Charlie would be too. They had the same little quirks and attitudes, if I could have him he would have been home with me.

Eckert's

2008-10-22T21:27:00.009-05:00

Mark and I went to Eckert's on Sunday and picked apples and pumpkins. We had a great time!
They have a pumpkin cannon which is freaking awesome and Pig races, seriously how awesome is that!! I didn't get pictures of any of that but I got some of our pumpkins and
the pretty scenery.

Boring

2008-10-22T19:38:00.003-05:00

Sorry all for being so boring nothing much has been going on. I started a new job, every Sunday night I go over to a lady from my church house and take care of her mom who has alzheimers while she is at work. I get there at 6pm and leave around 8 the next morning. I get $10 an hour to sit and talk to this lady and watch TV and sleep. The lady is sooo sweet and she isn't too far into the disease yet. I am going to start going at 6pm-10:30pm on Saturday nights starting the second week of November too. And whenever she needs me during the week. Its a pretty sweet deal adn it doesn't interupt my studying. Mark is a little upset because it takes away a few hours of our time together, but he will get over it!

As you saw we got the pictures back I was talking to his Dad and saying how I liekd the ones at the Muny best, they were the last ones we took and you could tell we just relaxed and started having fun with them. So he wants to take more! Thats right there will be more pictures, they will either be when he is in town for Thanksgiving or Christmas, I can't wait!!!! They were so much fun!

I'm heading out to Marks tomorrow and we might be going to a homecoming even at Columbia Friday night, not sure we'll see if he wants to go. This weekend is the Applebutter festial in Kimswick and I can't wait I haven't been able to go in like 6 years because of school, until then I had never missed it. And then Saturday night is a bonfire at a friends house, maybe. If so I will take plenty of pictures. Oh we went to Eckerts on Sunday, I will do another post in a little bit with my pictures!

FINALLY!!! The pictures!

2008-10-20T11:03:00.009-05:00

I got our engagement pictures from Mark's Dad on Friday, I LOVE them! I was worried for nothing. There were a few with weird faces but nobody needs to see those and there are more than enough that I really like! I'm so happy we did these and that we had such a fun time doing them. Be forewarned there are a lot of pictures in this post and they are kinda jumbled because blogger doesn't let you organize the photos when you upload only after and frankly I just don't feel like doing that now. Enjoy and leave me bunches of comments about them!!

Engagement pictures DONE!!

2008-10-02T16:04:00.002-05:00

Mark and I had out pictures taken Sunday by his dad. We had alot of fun with it, even though there were some heated temps along with the high temps. But we all calmed down and ended up having a great time! We took some pictures around the lake at Tower Grove Park in the "old building ruins" then we went over to Forrest Park. We took pictures around the fountain in front of the Worlds Fair Pavilion and then we went and changed and then took some pictures with us staning in the water fall there! We had Cub with us and she was in some of out pictures. After that we went over to the Muny and took some pictures around the gaxebo there and around the box-office. My parents also came out and watched us take some of the pictures.

After we finsihed with pictures Mark and i took Cub home and dropepd her off then met up with his parents, my parents and his uncle and his wife for dinner at Texas Roadhouse. It was the first time I have met his uncles wife and my parents have met her or his uncle. It was great that they were all in town and we got to spend time together.

I can't wait to get the pictures from his dad!!! He is putting them on a CD and will be mailing them to us probably begining of next week, I am soooo flipping ansy i can't wait!!!!!! Pray some of them are good, I'm so nervous!

Win a handbag!

2008-10-02T15:22:00.002-05:00

I saw this posted on Amandas blog and couldn't pass this up! You can win a free handbag from Handbag Planet and come on who doesn't like that?? I know I would always love a new one!! They are giving a new one away every hour so go check it out!!!

casual casual

2008-09-22T15:39:00.003-05:00

OK, here are my casual, casual outfit choices, once again leave a comment on which one you like best thank you!

Casual outfit 1: with shoes

Casual outfit 2: with detail of ribbon back, and shoes

Casual outfit 3: most likely with shoes from outfit 2Casual outfit 4: either with tennis shoes or my cardinals crocs and baseball hat

Casual outfit 5: with detail on back and most likely shoes from above or the snake-skin print heels

And once again if you have any other options please leave them as a comment also!

dressy casual

2008-09-22T15:29:00.005-05:00

Should I go with dress casual or casual casual? This is one of the questions I am contemplating, what do you think, and which outfit do you think of them is the best? I know alot of questions, please help!

Dress casual outfit 1: Sorry about the phone it rang just as the camera was flashing, and please ignore the not done hair and no make up

Shoes for dress casual 1:
Dress casual 2: Sorry its so blurry, but its a red tie halter with blue beads around the tie
shoes for dress casual 2:Dress casual 3: Sorry for the sour-puss face!

with these hot hot shoes!
Ok thats all my dress casual, now onto a new post for the casual casual clothes! Please leave me a comment if you like any of these or if you can think of any mix-n-match i can do with them!

Engagement pictures 1

2008-09-22T15:22:00.003-05:00

OK this is most likely going to be a few posts long so be ready! Mark and I are getting out pictures taken on Sunday. His Dad has photographed weddings before and is coming in town this weekend and has agreed to take our pictures. If they are good and I don't look too bad then they will be our engagement pictures and save us alot of money! So I am trying to figure out what outfit to wear and I have alot of options. I took pictures of each of them so leave a comment on which outfit you like!

First the outfit I am wearing for our "dressy" pictures

Balloon glow

2008-09-22T15:15:00.003-05:00

So Friday night a big group of us went to the Balloon glow in Forrest Park. We had a blast and saw some interesting balloons and pretty fireworks. Mark and I drove up from his house, and when it was time to leave decided to go over to the Worlds Fair Pavilion because traffic was a mess to get out. We fell in love with it and are seriously considering a wedding reception there. We also decided some of our engagement pictures will be there (more on that in a new post in a few minutes). We just sat there looking out over the fountain and park for an hour and talked. It was one of the best times we have had in a very long time! Gosh how I love that man. But anyways onto some pics of the glow, beware not the greatest of quality!

On a quest...

2008-09-03T17:03:00.002-05:00

to be more positive! This is my new goal. No more being negative, no more being down, no more getting worked up over the little things. Life is to short for me to be unhappy. If studying is getting me down I walk away from it, and give myself a chance to relax. If Mark does something to bother me, no more yelling and stonewalling but simple communication. I'm getting off the "crazy cycle" it has ruled my life for too long. "Energizing cycle" here I come!

I'm also going to get out more and meet new people. I need to get over my fears of meeting new people, no more getting sick when I am goiong to do something. Although I am not sure how well this is going to work considering I still get nervous when I am going to meet up with my friends of like 15 years. I always think what if I have the wrong time, wrong place, wrong day, what if I am not dressed appropriately. Always something. But I have decided to join the "book club" that the fantastic girls on STWed are starting up, i figure this is a good low key way to start, and it will ensure that I have something to talk about. Lets jsut hope i will have the courage to get my butt out of the car and go in!

Wish me luck on this new goal! Oh and if you are wondering about the "crazy" and "energizing" cycles i recommend you read the book "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs.

BLAH

2008-08-27T10:46:00.003-05:00

Yea that's how I feel, BLAH. For the past 2 or so weeks that's it. No excitement no pleasure nothing just Blah. On Sunday for a little bit I was happy, I saw some friends I hadn't seen in over a year and it was great! I think I really just needed to get out and see people other than those I see every week. Now if i could just get the rest of my life out of a rut. I sometimes wonder if maybe I am depressed, every night for the past two weeks I have cried myself to sleep thinking of grandma, my mood hardly ever gets above "OK" and most of the time its alot lower than that. I should probably go see a doctor but if you know me you also know that won't happen. Yes i want to be a doctor, yes I am working towards that goal (even though it isn't going well) but I still don't like to GO to the doctor. I can just hope that eventually I will get out of this. With my wonderful fiance, family and friends I am sure I will. I love them all to death and hope they don't think my mood or reflections are in any way a blast on them, its not. I'm just blah

Emotions!

2008-08-15T21:16:00.002-05:00

Oh my gosh, today has been a whirlwind of emotions! It started out this afternoon with Mom calling me and telling me that they weren't going to be home for dinner and it would be just me. So my first emotion was loneliness, I didn't want to be alone tonight. Then it went into hope as i thought hey I can go to Mark's house tonight. But then I got into the mood of I don't want to be around people. I snapped at my Dad and I never do that! Then he came up to find out if I was pissed at him and when talking to him I almost burst into tears. And now I have been crying all night, at least I know some of why that is. I got to thinking about grandma tonight and how much I miss her and how much she really did mean to me. But that was only some of the crying, the rest....I don't know! I never cry, and now I can't stop. ARGHHHHHH what is wrong with me! HELP!

Cub!

2008-08-12T20:23:00.005-05:00

So I took some pictures of Cub over the past few weeks and I thought I'd post them up for you all to see. This first one is her with the Get Well card that her grandma S sent her when we first took her to the vet and found out she had a bacterial infection in her intestines. She also got a $10 gift card to Petsmart to go pick out a toy!

This is her with her rope toy, she does love to play rope!And this is her with her skunk toy that she got with her gift card
Those are all my Cubby pictures for now, hope you all enjoy them!

Sunday activities

2008-08-12T20:13:00.002-05:00

Sunday started off with church and then we all came home ate breakfast and set my little brothers off to Chicago for a few days. Then those of us left here, Mom, Dad, Christian, Mark and I all sat/laid down to watch the olympics and everyone but me fell asleep. I watched some beach volleyball and bike racing. It was good. After Mark FINALLY woke up we went to the AB brewery, and then over to Tower Grove park. While there we got to thinking about engagement pictures and how Marks dad is coming into town in a month and he takes amazing pictures. He's even done some for weddings and such. So we called his dad and he said he'd be more than happy to take pictures of us! WOOHOO if these turn out good we won't need to spend money on engagement pictures I'm soooo flippin excited I can't wait! After that we went to dinner at Hodaks YUMMY!! Then came back home and just relaxed. It was a great day!

Weekend outlook

2008-08-09T17:25:00.003-05:00

Well its Saturday evening, and in a few hours I'll be heading over to some friends house to go get ice cream and then head to City Museum most likely. Just waiting on Mark to get his behind here, granted he got off work 30 minutes ago, still hasn't showered, still needs to load his truck and get fuel, then drive 45 minutes out here, so I've got some time. Oh well that means i can watch more Olympics and the end of the ball game.

Speaking of the Olympics I watched the opening ceremonies last night and they were awesome! What an amazing show they put on, I'm still iffy about them being held in China with all the other stuff going on with them, but its time to put stuff like that aside for a few weeks I supposed.

I can't wait until tomorrow, absolutely no plans and its supposed to be a gorgeous day, I might try to get Mark to go to Forrest Park for a little bit and just hang out, we'll see. Anyways i have Olympics and baseball to be watching!

Studying...again

2008-08-06T17:02:00.002-05:00

Well its that time again, time to study for the USMLE Step 1. This time however I can study without worrying about grandma, and without having to stop every hour to go check on her. My other grandparents are out of town for 6 weeks and they have offered me the use of their house to study in. This is great! There will be nobody there to distract me, I am not taking my computer with me so I won't have it as a distraction, there are no animals, and I won't have to clean my books up every night. This is going to be great for my studying!

I've spent the past few days with Mark, we didn't do anything. Actually yesterday we slept most of the day, and I mean like morning afternoon and night. I kinda feel like we are getting into a rut and I don't know how to get out of it. We do the same thing every week over and over, he never wants to try anything new and it just frustrates me so much! What should I do? Give me ideas of something new to do. PLEASE!!

Oh well its time to go make dinner, talk to you all later

Grandma

2008-07-23T14:54:00.004-05:00

On October 25th I got a call from Mom that she had to take Grandma to the emergency room for a really bad headache. The next day we got the news that she had a brain tumor. It took another week for them to figure out that it came from lung cancer that she had for years that nobody ever caught. She started radiation in November to shrink the brain tumor, that worked well. Then she started chemo to try to treat the lung cancer. It didn't tough it at all. So in April she went on hospice. She got progressively worse and on July 10th with mom and I by her side she took her last breath and went to meet up with grandpa after being apart for 14 years.

Its been hard not having her here with me during the day, especially since I was her primary caregiver most of the time. The house is empty and I feel as though I have nothing to do but she is no longer suffering and I know she is happy again. I just miss her. Love you grandma!

Hermann

2008-07-23T14:43:00.003-05:00

Ok, I know I should have updated this along time ago but I've been lazy! Mark and I went to Hermann, MO for the July 4th weekend and had a blast! We got there Friday night and sat in our room at the campbell Haus bed and breakfast and listened to the back playing across the street. Then we walked to the riverfront ate homemade ice cream and watched the fireworks. It was wonderful, I didn't realize how much I missed fireworks for the past 2 years. Saturday we started out with a yummy breakfast and then walked around town and went to the antique shops, found tons of good stuff and even bought some. Mark got some cookbooks, he needs to start using them! After a few hours in the antique shops we hit up the wineries. YUMMMM If you have never had an Adam Puchta wine, you have to! It is delicious!! The picture is from Stone Hill, it is my all time favorite picture of us EVER!

Saturday night we drove all around the countryside and just enjoyed the time together. Sunday we had another yummy breakfast, even though Jon didn't get the quiche cooked right. Then we spent some time talking to Jon and Becky and went to the antique shops again. Hit up a few more wineries then came home. What a wonderful weekend it was!!

Weekend update

2008-06-30T12:12:00.002-05:00

WHEW! I can't believe how quickly the weekend went, thankfully it was a good one, for everyone! On Saturday I met with a group of girlfriends for lunch at "First Watch" what an amazing restaurant! After lunch we headed over to "A Bride to Be" to try on bridesmaids dresses for my friends wedding. She picked gorgeous, light weight, airy dresses for a June wedding. THANK YOU! I came home and watched three hours straight of "Whose Wedding is it Anyway" I'm fricken addicted to this show, I love it!! Anyways Mark came down and we met up with a group of friends to see "Grease" at Laumere Sculpture Park. When it started to lightening we decided it was time to leave and just hung out at a friends house.

Sunday was Dad's b-day so we BBQ'd and just laid around all day. Mom and I sat out and plucked our legs for about an hour and a half..such fun we have here :-D

This weekend Mark and I are going to a B&B in Hermann, MO. I CANNOT wait!! I'll take lots of pictures and post them for all later. Anyways I think my pizza is done and I don't want to burn it....again!

My first blog! EEKK!!!

2008-06-26T16:37:00.000-05:00

Hello all and welcome! This is the first time I have ever had a blog or posted in one so we will see how it goes. Just wanted to introduce myself and say hi. So i guess I'll say a little about myself, I'm a 25 year old medical student who is waiting for the results of my USMLE Step-1 exam. While waiting I am spending time with my fiance and his new puppy. Our wedding won't be for a few years because I want to be finished with school first.

I am currently staying at home and taking care of my grandma. She has lung cancer with metistasis to the brain. She is on hospice and they are saying she has maybe a week left. I've been taking care of her since November and can see that this is much better for her and know she isn't living the life she wants. I know she is ready and as horrible as it sounds I am ready because I know its what she wants. WOW I do feel better after getting that out, maybe there is something to this blogging thing. :-D