BLAH

Yea that's how I feel, BLAH. For the past 2 or so weeks that's it. No excitement no pleasure nothing just Blah. On Sunday for a little bit I was happy, I saw some friends I hadn't seen in over a year and it was great! I think I really just needed to get out and see people other than those I see every week. Now if i could just get the rest of my life out of a rut. I sometimes wonder if maybe I am depressed, every night for the past two weeks I have cried myself to sleep thinking of grandma, my mood hardly ever gets above "OK" and most of the time its alot lower than that. I should probably go see a doctor but if you know me you also know that won't happen. Yes i want to be a doctor, yes I am working towards that goal (even though it isn't going well) but I still don't like to GO to the doctor. I can just hope that eventually I will get out of this. With my wonderful fiance, family and friends I am sure I will. I love them all to death and hope they don't think my mood or reflections are in any way a blast on them, its not. I'm just blah

Emotions!

Oh my gosh, today has been a whirlwind of emotions! It started out this afternoon with Mom calling me and telling me that they weren't going to be home for dinner and it would be just me. So my first emotion was loneliness, I didn't want to be alone tonight. Then it went into hope as i thought hey I can go to Mark's house tonight. But then I got into the mood of I don't want to be around people. I snapped at my Dad and I never do that! Then he came up to find out if I was pissed at him and when talking to him I almost burst into tears. And now I have been crying all night, at least I know some of why that is. I got to thinking about grandma tonight and how much I miss her and how much she really did mean to me. But that was only some of the crying, the rest....I don't know! I never cry, and now I can't stop. ARGHHHHHH what is wrong with me! HELP!

Cub!

So I took some pictures of Cub over the past few weeks and I thought I'd post them up for you all to see. This first one is her with the Get Well card that her grandma S sent her when we first took her to the vet and found out she had a bacterial infection in her intestines. She also got a $10 gift card to Petsmart to go pick out a toy!

This is her with her rope toy, she does love to play rope!And this is her with her skunk toy that she got with her gift card
Those are all my Cubby pictures for now, hope you all enjoy them!

Sunday activities

Sunday started off with church and then we all came home ate breakfast and set my little brothers off to Chicago for a few days. Then those of us left here, Mom, Dad, Christian, Mark and I all sat/laid down to watch the olympics and everyone but me fell asleep. I watched some beach volleyball and bike racing. It was good. After Mark FINALLY woke up we went to the AB brewery, and then over to Tower Grove park. While there we got to thinking about engagement pictures and how Marks dad is coming into town in a month and he takes amazing pictures. He's even done some for weddings and such. So we called his dad and he said he'd be more than happy to take pictures of us! WOOHOO if these turn out good we won't need to spend money on engagement pictures I'm soooo flippin excited I can't wait! After that we went to dinner at Hodaks YUMMY!! Then came back home and just relaxed. It was a great day!

Weekend outlook

Well its Saturday evening, and in a few hours I'll be heading over to some friends house to go get ice cream and then head to City Museum most likely. Just waiting on Mark to get his behind here, granted he got off work 30 minutes ago, still hasn't showered, still needs to load his truck and get fuel, then drive 45 minutes out here, so I've got some time. Oh well that means i can watch more Olympics and the end of the ball game.

Speaking of the Olympics I watched the opening ceremonies last night and they were awesome! What an amazing show they put on, I'm still iffy about them being held in China with all the other stuff going on with them, but its time to put stuff like that aside for a few weeks I supposed.

I can't wait until tomorrow, absolutely no plans and its supposed to be a gorgeous day, I might try to get Mark to go to Forrest Park for a little bit and just hang out, we'll see. Anyways i have Olympics and baseball to be watching!

Studying...again

Well its that time again, time to study for the USMLE Step 1. This time however I can study without worrying about grandma, and without having to stop every hour to go check on her. My other grandparents are out of town for 6 weeks and they have offered me the use of their house to study in. This is great! There will be nobody there to distract me, I am not taking my computer with me so I won't have it as a distraction, there are no animals, and I won't have to clean my books up every night. This is going to be great for my studying!

I've spent the past few days with Mark, we didn't do anything. Actually yesterday we slept most of the day, and I mean like morning afternoon and night. I kinda feel like we are getting into a rut and I don't know how to get out of it. We do the same thing every week over and over, he never wants to try anything new and it just frustrates me so much! What should I do? Give me ideas of something new to do. PLEASE!!

Oh well its time to go make dinner, talk to you all later