BLAH

Yea that's how I feel, BLAH. For the past 2 or so weeks that's it. No excitement no pleasure nothing just Blah. On Sunday for a little bit I was happy, I saw some friends I hadn't seen in over a year and it was great! I think I really just needed to get out and see people other than those I see every week. Now if i could just get the rest of my life out of a rut. I sometimes wonder if maybe I am depressed, every night for the past two weeks I have cried myself to sleep thinking of grandma, my mood hardly ever gets above "OK" and most of the time its alot lower than that. I should probably go see a doctor but if you know me you also know that won't happen. Yes i want to be a doctor, yes I am working towards that goal (even though it isn't going well) but I still don't like to GO to the doctor. I can just hope that eventually I will get out of this. With my wonderful fiance, family and friends I am sure I will. I love them all to death and hope they don't think my mood or reflections are in any way a blast on them, its not. I'm just blah